What are the signs that show you've lost control of your dependence? Having a life with addiction could be a very difficult time.
I went through a phase of unending apprehension, desolation and mental disturbance; during this phase, I felt tortured but then my breakthrough came, I got back on my feet and became the captain of my ship. During that dark period, I felt lost to outside world and cared less about anything.
When I began using I felt like all of my fears were rendered inactive.
All of my worries and challenges abruptly mixed and disappeared throughout that overpowering feeling of fake happiness and gladness that finally lead to my gravest moment.
My world fell apart only months before I went into the rehab, it was the most depressive times for me and my addiction. Not being capable to accept I had an issue was what took charge of my daily and made me dig like a madman in my own mind searching for exemptions and arguments to justify my attitude, till I ultimately recognised it had carried away all things I worried about, every person I ever adored and every dream I ever had.
These 6 Signs Woke Me Up To Reality That I Went Too Far With My Addiction And That I Had To Make It Up
Life appears to be just doom and dark
When I was a big utilizer, it didn't count what or how much of it I had, life would simply not have the joy that it formerly had. Dejection assumed me like a huge blanket that halted me from going in any particular direction. Then, all I felt were guilt and frustration getting into me, I pictured my beloved family and friends were disappointed by me I almost could not forgive myself. My situation appeared hopeless while my lamentations were only equalled by the feeling of being let-down which my family felt because of me. Everything in my life was telling me that I was the worst person for letting down everyone who cared about me, that I have made the worst mistakes over and over again. It was a never stopping system where dejection and anxiety passed the ball onto one an tither's court and my only path out was to heighten the amount I was utilizing. Apparently, by taking more and more frequently, the spiral of the destruction of oneself which I actively participated in took its darkest and heaviest turn and made me feel I was approaching the critical'point'at'which'turning back'or'reversal'is impossible. By now the depression and nervousness within me were so exhausting that my supposed liberation which is my addiction only compounded my problems.
Everything you had in life walked and then run away from you
A portion of the general population I had around me amid my time as a someone who is addicted remained by to help me until the very end, and for that, I'm extremely thankful. Well, my reliance on drugs seemed like a mystery to several others, so they left. Because of the lowest point I hit, I lost some people that actually cared about me and wanted to help me going through hard times, I just made them leave. I became so obsessed with just taking the next dose, that I allow it to render every other thing less significant. I began to report sick my workplace because I have no desire to go. I could not stand not using so I skipped meetings, and social get-togethers regardless of who was involved. Life reduced itself to simply one thing, and that very single thing was what darkened my life to the stage where I lost everything I at one time loved.
You cannot control your own life anymore
Self control was never my most grounded suit. I had repeatedly lied to myself that I would quit drugs every time I took drugs. Every one of those times leads to me imagining how it would be alright to only take a little bit more as a 'goodbye' to the drugs. My body and soul were controlled by the guilt and frustration, leaving me unable to interact with people like I used to because the guilty I felt. I locked myself in my apartment, leaving my work and everything I should have done outside. When bills arrived they began to accumulate on the table. Sometimes the phone would not cease to ring as everyone knew there were issues in my life which I'm battling with; I just didn't want to admit to them that they were right. I felt like I no longer have power over anything. I didn't even have control over the place, the amount or the time I engaged in substance abuse.
You lie to everybody, yourself inclusive
This was possibly the thing that caused matters tougher than what they could've been. Besides guilt, there was something got inside me, that is fear of being rejected by people around me that pushed me to lie. I lied to cover up my bad addiction and it gave me hard times to cope with. I was adopting money from allies and family, never being in a capable to offer it in return. Dependence was destroying my life in various ways, financially, emotionally and biologically. I was mistreating my body. I halted eating, ceased taking good care of myself, began losing weight at a disturbing rate; every person recognised I was having issues and they all desired to assist, but deceiving them and myself simply created a barrier between them and me. It creates a yet even larger and greater barrier between me and myself. I revealed to myself such a large number of stories, contentions and motivations to continue utilizing that I trust I could've composed a book on sorry excuses to mishandle drugs.
The thought of being sober scares you so you continue in the use of drugs.
Pull-out is one of the depressive phases for an addict. The worries and all those mixed feelings that make everything look like hell is something that I wanted to avoid by all possible means. I got entangled in substance abuse for that euphoric sensation, and since I knew it wouldn't last and I couldn't bear been sober, so I kept using. It's such a strong and extreme condition that you feel like it's the only solution is by taking more and more frequently. What's more, because of the way that the more I utilized the more resilience I assembled, it turned out to be more regrettable inside time.
I lacked interest in everything apart from drugs.
I drowned myself by reasons to keep using. I lost my bonds with everyone I cared about. It happened, nothing else matter, I just kept getting high and I felt like stuck. I pushed everybody out of my life and just a couple sat tight outside for the chance to emerge where they could return and help me. I was very blind by my dependence that literally no other thing counted. My boss sacked me, my fellow workers desisted from calling, almost all of my family gradually lost hope and tried to move on.
At this phase, I started to recall all the things that have been said by my loved ones that I really needed help. Just when it all looked over to me, and I felt I was at my lowest point ever, it became clear to me that I needed assistance; the good thing was I had so many people who were willing to assist me to get over that grim phase.
Living with an addiction is probably the most difficult thing I have ever experienced, and actually could also be the most difficult thing my family and friends have ever gone through. I think things could've been somehow simpler on every person if we all understood a bit more concerning what dependence implies not only to the dependent but as well to the family. As things were moving out of control, those that constantly supported me were paying attention to all these signs that I could not see from the start.
Love and persistence were two things that spared me and my friends and family.
I believed all the things were lost but at last, I went through a recuperation procedure that opened my eyes to a fresh jovial healthy life, where I haven't disregarded my past but I pardoned myself for what I did and requested for forgiveness without dishonour. I am so grateful that I was surrounded by people who knew I could be saved and I deserved a new life.
Noticing these signs could be a lifesaver for the addicts, they need to know that they can be saved, they deserve a better life to start over.