I'm just done reading "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. My age is 47 years old now. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.
This book made me realize that I'm not alone in this world, at all. For almost forever this book keeps me companion, comforted, and help me to face my problems with alcohol. My misuse of alcohol was not simply "genetic predisposition" or me having no self control'..my consumption of alcohol to soothe and keep me emanates from various situations in my life. I never had a rosy childhood; My father was unfaithful probably due to my mother being obese and lacking in confidence leaving me without attention and care. Psychologically, I was strong.
It was really odd that I never drank when I was in high school My university days was a different scenario with students partying without inhibitions while the school attempts to portray its intellectual capability. My varsity days mark the commencement of my drinking habits and misdemeanour with the common negative outcomes notorious with severe alcohol use such as improper conducts, headaches, vomiting and loss of consciousness.
I came to understand that the only way for a corpulent young woman to have a sexual relation was to be intoxicated the same way as the boys.
When I look back, I remember one day I woke up in a frat house in Montreal, beside me there is this guy totally naked in bed'.. But I felt relieved because I could've been end up in hospital, got badly injured, or worst I could've been pregnant, but I didn't.
Life moved on - I became a licensed nurse, got a masters degree and dated a lovely guy. We took wine on weekends when we were with each other and sometimes during the week I would buy myself a drink.
Fast forward...marriage, .two pregnancies, both amid which I totally avoided, and did not miss it. Life progressed, I found myself getting older day by day, the nice guy turned into workaholic husband with anger issues, one of my child turned out got ADHD, I was really stressed out at that time'. I would drank almost everyday, usually on Thursday-Sunday.
My husband got addicted to a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of alcohol...and shortly a nocturnal habit to crack one or two... Privately, I started mixing my own alcoholic beverages and hiding the glass in my baking cupboard.
Immediately I arrived home - and encounter the household disorder, getting supper, attempting to receive ADHD boy to pay attention on homework while prying the other person off his iPod'.. I can just think about combining that drink'..which I keep filling again till finally I become asleep or faint. In the mornings, first thing I do is check my I-telephone to see whom I may have unintentionally messaged while inebriated.
Strangely, it doesn't end there for a couple of years back I got entangled in an extramarital affair with a family friend. The relationship never got physical (other then a couple embraces and standing close at donning occasions) however in the event that any of you have perused about (or encountered) an enthusiastic undertaking, the effect can be similarly as sensational and extreme, if not more so then a physical relationship. I was joyous beyond words - each time my telephone showed a message...oh the surge of emotions. Frequently we visited late into the night, now and then amidst the night, while we were grinding away.
I felt really happy, happier that I had ever been. The relationship was becoming dangerously close to crossing the sexual line and he pulled back. I was emotionally wounded and desolate, so my use of alcohol grew.
My cocktails comforted me they assisted the infliction.
I am so embarrassed as view back over my life. The inebriated scenes:
Being completely drunk at a party last year.
Blind drunk at my sister's 50th birthday
I randomly sent rant messages through my iPhone, I can't even control myself at that time.
I shouted and screamed inappropriately in front of my kids
Domestic violence against my husband
An absolute screeching clash one night when my son had a friend spending the night as a guest
I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. I feel that I finally got straight, ready to come home.